The Stag Gem: Part 1 Chapter 10

“Excuse me, sir?  Hello?”  The three inch tall Little Man With A Sledgehammer stood in the edge of the alley with his equally tiny bowl-shaped robot servant.  The two of them faced the busy sidewalk, desperately trying to get a passing stranger’s attention as the giant shoes, sneakers, and high heels stomped past them.

“It is a small miracle that we have yet to get stepped on, Sir Limwash,” the robot noted.

“Don’t you have some sort of laser light or flare cannons on you, Fractor?  Anything at all you have built into you to that would get us noticed would be a great help right now.”

“I’m sorry, sir.  As I have consistently previously mentioned, I am a medical technician, not a Class 4A Combat Warbot.”

“Are the whole of these species evolved to be completely oblivious to their surroundings or is it just a cultural phenomenon isolated to their urban lifestyle,” The Little Man With A Sledge Hammer asked himself aloud as he failed to get yet another’s person attention who stomped past.  “Maybe this guy will notice me…  HEY YOU!!”

“It is no use, sir.”

“No, I’m not giving up.  I’m not going to let a tiny thing like becoming twenty times smaller than everyone else stop me from saving my planet!”

“Maybe if you adorn yourself as one of the native species you might be noticed.”

“Are you missing a few bolts, Fractor?  These things are humongous!”

“Not them, sir.  Them.”  Fractor pointed his long wiry arm towards a collection of rats scurrying around behind a green metal dumpster.

“A rat?”

“Absolutely sir.  These people will surely take notice of a rodent if it is yelling up at them.”

“Well, the idea sounds simple enough,” The Little Man With A Sledge Hammer said skeptically.

“There is a recently deceased one next to that discarded bicycle tire.  I could easily dissect its inner organs and bring over the pelt for you to be dressed in,” stated Fractor.

“This idea is quickly sounding disgusting.”

“It will only take a few short minutes, sir.”

“Okay, okay, let’s do this.”

The robot nodded and rolled off towards the rat carcass.  Limwash sat down against the side of the red brick building and watched people of different colors and sizes walk past the alley.  The sounds of the city, passing conversations and heavy traffic, overpowered the slow and persistent humming and sloshing of Fractor’s buzz saw working away at his captain’s disguise a few yards away.

The Little Man With A Sledge Hammer’s thoughts and memories of his home planet began to creep into the front of his mind.  He started to think about his mother’s cooking; his father’s obscenely large collection of fishing poles; the late nights he spent at Dirkley Pub with Bobby, his military academy roommate;  The words of wisdom his mentor, Captain Knockerby used to tell him on his headset during flight school;  His first search-and-rescue mission where he and Bobby had to save the Princess of Darishstan from the Tulatu rebels, and how Bobby’s plane was shot down; His first star of valor that he was awarded when he out maneuvered a whole squadron of Camberton Screaming Hawk jets; His parents’ funeral; Kybal, the old and wise monk who taught him the ancient fighting art of Sledge-Hammer-Kaido; Receiving the honor to be promoted to Fleet Captain; Being called to the United Counsel and charged with the mission to find and bring back The Stag Gem, the only known cure for his planet’s imminent destruction…

“Sir, your disguise is ready.” Fractor’s voice brought The Little Man With A Sledge Hammer out of his inspirational and convoluted flood of memories.

“That looks repulsive, Fractor.”

“Well, it is still a little damp from the body fluids, but it should be a perfect fit, sir.”

“Alright, let’s get this over with,” the captain grabbed the rat pelt and began to slide into it.  “Gaa!  Fractor it’s all slimy!  And it smells like rotting meat!”

“Technically sir, it is rotting meat.”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this…”

“I have also provided you with its hollowed out skull.   It is just big enough for you to place it onto your head.”

Limwash grabbed the rat’s head and winced from its rancid odor.  “This smells worse than fur!”

“Decomposing brain-matter has its own unique aroma, sir.”

“There is no reason why you couldn’t have done this.”  The Little Man With A Sledge Hammer squeezed his head into the skull.

“You look like an exact replica of the native sewer rat species, sir,” Fractor noted proudly.

“I can’t see a thing…”

“Captain, an elderly couple is approaching.  Walk out in front of them.  They are certain to see you.”

“Alright point me in the right direction.”  Limwash said; with his sledgehammer in one hand and the other adjusting the skull so he could peek out of at least one of the eye sockets.

“Quickly sir, they are approaching!”  The robot gave his captain a firm push out onto the sidewalk.

“Oh my Lord!  Henry!  It’s a rat,” screamed the elderly woman.

“…with a sledgehammer,” added Limwash.

“Nothing a good swift kick won’t fix, Martha,” the elderly man noted.

The captain watched from the rat’s eye socket a giant brown shoe rocketing towards his three inch tall frame wrapped in wet fur.  “Uh oh…”

The foot landed its mark, sending the Little Man With A Sledge Hammer flying through the air and crashing into a pile of newspapers that sat between a cardboard box full of old magazines and a cracked toilet seat cover.

“Are you okay, sir?” Fractor cautiously rolled over to the Little Man With A Sledge Hammer.

His captain pulled himself up to his feet and looked at the robot, “You have any other brilliant ideas?”

“I do not think we have completely exhausted this one yet, sir.”

Limwash popped the rat skull off of his head, “Yes, we have Fractor.”  He threw the skull and watched it disappear into the crevasses and folds of the pile of newspapers.

Fractor noticed his captain was suddenly transfixed.  “Sir?”

Limwash walked over to the gray crumbled pile and began to stubbornly wrestle and unfold a portion of the newspaper.  “Fractor!  Look at this!”

The robot rolled over to see what his captain had discovered.

“’Priceless Stag Gem stolen from Chester Cantaloupe, Prominent British Billionaire,’” Fractor read.

“It looks like we know where to start,” the Little Man With A Sledge Hammer smiled.